Best Wife Ever

Yep, that's me! I'm quoting my husband there, so I'm not even tooting my own horn. Straight from his mouth to my blog!

Why am I the best wife ever? It's not because I'm a great cook (which I am....TOOT TOOT), or that I'm fun to be with (TOOT TOOT), or that I'm smokin' hot (HAAAAHAHAHAHA)! It's because I signed my husband and I up for a couples' burlesque dance class. Which I originally told him was couples' baroque dance class. Imagine how uninterested he was after looking it up and finding out it was more along the lines of Shakespearean skanks prancing around in full gowns and white wigs. Not nearly as much fun!

Now, I'm by no means an exhibitionist, and I'm also by no means a prude, but I am NO dancer. I mean, I shouldn't be allowed on a dance floor. I can do the electric slide and the hustle, oh, and the chicken dance, but those are not sexy, crotch tingling good times. If they are...you're not doing it right.

So tonight was the night. Thankfully (for the other parties involved) each couple got their own partitioned off area so we could not see the other couples, only your significant other, the instructor and her husband. The room was dark, with strings of lights all around, a rotating colored light thingy, sexy music playing. Very romantic. And there I was, sweating like a hog who knows his owner loves bacon.

The instructor informs me before class starts that there will be "stripping". Really it was just removal of layers, but, um, hello? I'm wearing cute little pink yoga pants with hearts on them, a pink tank top, and a zipped up grey sweatshirt (and I'm soaked from my own sweat and the downpour we had to run through to get there). I'm wearing my granny panties underneath and no bra. There will be no stripping in our "booth", sorry. What were the other girls wearing, you wonder?

Let's just say, they knew what to expect. They were wearing layers of fun, I was wearing layers of comfy casual with a hint of skin. You know, Mommy risque!

Here's a visual:

Them



Me



I had more clothes on than the hippo.

All in all, I think I did pretty damn good. I was able to loosen up, enjoy myself, I even had a few ones stuffed down my top (I kept them by the way), and most importantly, we had an evening to ourselves.

And I'm the best wife ever...and a private dancer!!