Friday, February 25, 2011


I'm not a girly girl. Never have been. As a kid I was awkward looking. I had bucked teeth, freckles, short red hair, and was often confused for a boy. Not much has changed, except for the bucked teeth! My husband's a lucky, lucky man!

How I ever ended up with a girly girl for a daughter is absolutely and utterly beyond me. But I did. And now I find myself suddenly wanting designer handbags, the newest fashions and long luxurious hair (which, if you've known me for any period of time, is not my usual style). I blame the girl!

A few nights ago, M got her first "big girl" haircut. Really, we just took an inch off the length and put soft angles in her hair, but it was enough to age her and make me feel like I no longer have a baby, but a diva!

Our good friend K comes to our house to give us haircuts, right in my own kitchen. How wonderful is that? We never have to leave the comfort of the same room that I prepare my food in. Wait...anyhow. K gave M her very first big girl haircut and of course, I documented it. we have M pre big girl haircut:

The girl has naturally blond highlighted hair that women pay hundreds for. She kinda sucks! Don't hate her cuz she's beautiful!

During the cut:

The girl loves to be pampered. Just wait until her box of 47 bottles of nail polish from her bestie P comes in the mail. YIKES! That will be another entry all of its own!

Here's my princess after:

Okay, so nice haircut, but the pictures are kind of EH! The photographer is me. I'm begging, pleading, bribing her to make a cute face or strike a pose or SOMETHING to make the picture more interesting.

Daddy decides to take over. I leave the room while the 2 bond. This is what he gets:

This is already more interesting, right? It gets better.

Say what?

Are you kidding me with this?


And I'm pretty sure this is when I walked back in the room:

Note the aggressive stance, clenched fists, and snarled lips.

I swear to you, when I was out of the room I heard an Austin Power like barrage of "Yeah baby, that's it, you're an animal, you're a tiger baby yeah....and I'm spent!"

She's my supermodel, diva, princess, and big girl all rolled into one. And my husband has a budding fashion photographer career in his future!

Pamcakes Glitterpants

Sunday, February 20, 2011

A Song And A Shave

First up, my fave song of the week. Sweden seems to put out a good band every 40 years or me some Abba...well, here's Sweden's newest sensation. The Knife with their song Hearbeats. Has an awesome 80's feel to it. I simply love it!!

It seems appropriate that we go from The Knife to my 2 little ones getting an old school "shave" from Daddy. Daddy and little T have a ritual. Daddy lathers him up, gives him a "shave" and slaps on a little aftershave. It's their thing. It's adorable!

Lathering up

A little aftershave

Little T gives his seal of approval!

Miss M is not to be left out of ANYTHING!

Checking Daddy's work!

Ironically, I don't have a picture of Big T shaving, who actually DOES shave. But, I think this will do.

He'd kill me if he saw this! Thankfully, he doesn't pay attention much to me so he probably has no idea this blog even exists!

Shave and a cool song, 2 bits!

Pamcakes Glitterpants

Friday, February 18, 2011

Best Wife Ever

Yep, that's me! I'm quoting my husband there, so I'm not even tooting my own horn. Straight from his mouth to my blog!

Why am I the best wife ever? It's not because I'm a great cook (which I am....TOOT TOOT), or that I'm fun to be with (TOOT TOOT), or that I'm smokin' hot (HAAAAHAHAHAHA)! It's because I signed my husband and I up for a couples' burlesque dance class. Which I originally told him was couples' baroque dance class. Imagine how uninterested he was after looking it up and finding out it was more along the lines of Shakespearean skanks prancing around in full gowns and white wigs. Not nearly as much fun!

Now, I'm by no means an exhibitionist, and I'm also by no means a prude, but I am NO dancer. I mean, I shouldn't be allowed on a dance floor. I can do the electric slide and the hustle, oh, and the chicken dance, but those are not sexy, crotch tingling good times. If they're not doing it right.

So tonight was the night. Thankfully (for the other parties involved) each couple got their own partitioned off area so we could not see the other couples, only your significant other, the instructor and her husband. The room was dark, with strings of lights all around, a rotating colored light thingy, sexy music playing. Very romantic. And there I was, sweating like a hog who knows his owner loves bacon.

The instructor informs me before class starts that there will be "stripping". Really it was just removal of layers, but, um, hello? I'm wearing cute little pink yoga pants with hearts on them, a pink tank top, and a zipped up grey sweatshirt (and I'm soaked from my own sweat and the downpour we had to run through to get there). I'm wearing my granny panties underneath and no bra. There will be no stripping in our "booth", sorry. What were the other girls wearing, you wonder?

Let's just say, they knew what to expect. They were wearing layers of fun, I was wearing layers of comfy casual with a hint of skin. You know, Mommy risque!

Here's a visual:



I had more clothes on than the hippo.

All in all, I think I did pretty damn good. I was able to loosen up, enjoy myself, I even had a few ones stuffed down my top (I kept them by the way), and most importantly, we had an evening to ourselves.

And I'm the best wife ever...and a private dancer!!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

A Close Call And Another Day With Tits McGee

I have a knack for being caught in varying degrees of undress, whether in public or in my own home. Most recently we have the 3 Jamaican mattress delivery men, 2 cops (in my own home, I wasn't breaking the law believe it or not), and the staff and customers of my local Target (that one probably was against the law, but NOT my fault).

Last night, my tenant was nearly my next victim! I was showering with the door open, since that's one of the few ways my husband and I can actually have a conversation without our 3 and 4 year olds interrupting one way or another. The bathroom, most notably, the clear glass shower door, can be seen from the stairway leading to the outside door. Genius idea!

My tenant came up to deliver his rent check, and my brilliant husband proceeded to open the door. If it weren't for my screams of surprise, my tenant would have seen me in all my glory and have been added to a growing list of victims. And to boot, he would have had to pay for the viewing since he did have a check in hand. We did warn him this may happen, as we recalled my last 3 encounters on Christmas morning when he joined us for breakfast. So really, it's his own fault.

Fast forward to today. Tits McGee came back after a very brief hiatus!

I face the task of keeping M and Little T entertained at my office on occasion. It can be a challenge, but man, it's so cool to look up and see these faces.

Don't you agree?

Today they were kept entertained with a sheet of address labels that they colored and made into stickers. This is what Little T did with his:

This is what M (a.k.a. Tits McGee) did with hers:

My decolletage decorated by Tits McGee. What the heck is her booby issue lately? In fact, just a few moments ago she put an item from her princess dress up collection around her chest and asked when her Aunt would be here so she can "show Tante her boooobs".

Seriously, our boobs are either seen by others, and/or discussed, way too often around here! Is that a good thing? I'm not sure!

Pamcakes Glitterpants

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Driving In The Wake Of A Rainbow With Tits McGee

Once upon a time, I drove to work in the wake of a rainbow with Tits McGee in the back seat. True to my promise of trying to make life filled with rainbows, unicorns, butterflies and glitter (see promise above) I had to share!

It was a sunny February day and the streets were laden with puddles from the 100 tons of melting snow on the sides of the road. Each time the car in front of me drove through a puddle, the resulting splash from the puddle would send up a spray of rainbow water as the bright sun hit the road. It was magical! Magical I tell ya. What better way to get to work than literally driving on a rainbow.

I tried to take a picture with my phone of this truly ethereal event, but ended up with 2 pictures of my dashboard and one of my thumb. If I had been pulled over for speeding at that moment I would have had a solid case with proof of my speed forever saved in my phone.

It reminded me of this YouTube gem, the double rainbow guy. How was I to know the importance of two's on this shiny day.

After arriving at my office I grabbed 2 plates to make my kiddos (henceforth on my bloggity blog known as Big T, Little T and M....except for this story) each a sandwich. Tits McGee (M) took the plates, held them up to her eyes and said "Look, 2 eyes!"

Which then led to the predictable "Look Mommy, 2 ears!".

Totally saw that coming a mile away! You bore me child! But wait...Tits McGee never fails to keep me entertained. "Look...2 boooooooooooobs!" with a long "oooooooooo".

That's right Tits McGee, you have 2 booooooooobs! And we drive on rainbows! What does it mean? You will only get that last statement if you watched the video. Now go watch it and ponder it all!

Boobs and rainbows, life doesn't get any better.

Pamcakes Glitterpants

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

So this is a blog?

Okay, okay, fine, FINE...I'll start a blog. I've never been one to succumb (that's a funny word) to peer pressure but I'll bite. So here I am, are you happy? Yes? Well, just wait. If you don't like occasional vulgarity, strong opinions, hilarity, cooking, kids, hair accessories and tutus, kids, fun, Republicans, red heads, kids, alternative rock, liquor, unicorns, rainbows, butterflies and GLITTER, then you've parked at the wrong blog. Back up and move on.

BUT, if you love all those things (Democrats are welcome!!) then please, throw it into park, take off your seatbelt, blast the radio, pull out your flask filled with your poison of choice, and feast your eyes upon THIS!
Yeah, I got nothing right now. It doesn't mean it won't happen.

How about this for a start? It's the day after Valentine's Day. You know, that Hallmark of all holidays? You know what I did yesterday, I made this:

It's a baton twirler hair clip that I made for my friend's daughter. Isn't it adorable? It was my first free hand clip (meaning I didn't follow a pattern) and I have to say, I'm rather proud of it.

I didn't make dinner, we had leftovers. I didn't wear red, I don't like red. I didn't get all mushy and romantic, it's not my thing (sorry dear!). I made a clippie. I bought my kids candy and cards, I bought my husband a card, and I heated up leftovers. One theory is that Valentine's Day is named after a martyred saint who supposedly had a feast on that day. So, shouldn't we be eating instead of spending $5 for a card and $15 for a box of candy? Another theory is, it's the day St. Valentine was killed. Oooohhhh...Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I made a has red in it!!
Pamcakes Glitterpants