Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Hey, shit!!

I started this blog because I succumbed to the pressure. I was forced into it. All my friends said "oh, so many funny and unusual things happen to MUST blog about it". Murphy's Law dictated that the minute I start the blog...these things STOPPED happening to me. There, are you happy friends? I'm not as entertaining now am I?

Until yesterday....

I have a friend. I swear!! He's one of my oldest and dearest and baldest friends. He's been bald since high school. We call him baldie, sometimes we call him shiny. He rolls with it. I mean, it's not like he doesn't realize he's bald. Can't really stamp your feet and cry "how dare you??" when it's there right on top of your head. Or not there in this case. See, I feel like I can get away with calling him that because I know too much about him that I can leak to the press. It goes both ways, so I let him make fun of my many, many shortcomings. Speaking of short...did I mention he's short too? Picture Jason Alexander from Seinfeld, but not nearly as annoying. Or wealthy.

On to the story at hand. I went food shopping last night and as I walked across the parking lot to the store, there, about 6 cars away from me, was my dear friend Baldie. I mean, from the back, it was totally him. A vertically challenged man with a shiny globe framed by a slight crown of hair. I got all excited to not only see him, but have a possible shopping companion! And the bonus was, I had just seen his wife, Mrs. Baldie, that very morning at Dunkin Donuts. For 2 couples that live in the same city, we just don't see each other enough I tell you!

So Baldie's walking in front of me, and I, in my usual unfiltered way, yelled "HEY BALDIE!!!". The moment, I mean, the nano second the words left my mouth and before the speed of sound could even apply to the verbal diarrhea that exploded henceforth from it I realized...that's not him. Why I couldn't wait for visual confirmation that it was him is beyond me, and I think, one of my many charms. But that's neither here nor there.

I immediately looked for a way out, a car to hide behind, or a scape goat. "It was her!". But there was no getting away from it. The damage was done. The words were gone and traveling across space and time. And the guy wasn't deaf. Just my luck!

He turned, I if to pretend to look for the horrid individual that just yelled that who wasn't actually there...and my stomach sank. I turned back, smiled and said "You know, if you were who I thought you were, you'd think this was hysterical right about now!". The kindly bald man smiled and said "I've been called worse, and by people who actually know it's me". Gee, I'm sorry to hear that dude. We had a good hearty laugh and went about our merry ways. And I avoided eye contact with him whenever our paths crossed in the store.

Thank God for a good humored bald man! And Baldie, if you're reading this, we need to get together soon. I'll confirm it's you before greeting you though.

Pamcakes Glitterpants

Sunday, March 6, 2011

40 x40

No, those are not my measurements (those would be strange measurements). Or the size of my bedroom (how nice would that be though?). It's my goal. It may be a lofty goal, but I'm gonna try dammit!

See, I'm turning 40 (WTF??????) in October. October 21st. 7 1/2 months away. 40! FORTY!!!! In approximately 220 days. I could grab a calendar and count but I barely have time to count to 10, let alone 200 something.

Last year I started the Couch 2 5k program. Basically, it's for lumps like me who suck at exercise, and run like Phoebe from Friends. Here's a visual: Phoebe Running I did it for a few months before my bum hip started acting up making it nearly impossible to even walk. Sucks getting old!

I'm not a flexible person. Physically that is. I can barely touch my toes. Hell, my knees even. When I drop something I have to plot out a plan of attack to pick it up that usually involves kitchen tongs, or calling one of my kids to come get it for me.

Overall, I'm just not an active person. My parents weren't...which is probably why I'm not. The most active I saw my parents be was before we had a remote control, and they would have to get up from their chair, walk to the TV, and "turn" the channel! Remember those TVs? Perhaps some of you don't. The one in my bedroom was black & white. But hey, I had a TV in my bedroom. That was cool!! Anyhow...I'm not proud of it, and I'd like to change it. But I'm going to have to get creative, you know, with my bum hip and all.

Long story short, I want to lose 40 lbs. by my 40th (did I mention I'm turning 40??) birthday. Starting.....NOW! First order of business: portion control. My plan is to put the amount of food I would normally eat on my plate, and then remove some. It's a simple start, but it's a start.

At least I'm not turning 50 this year. Wish me luck! I'll keep you all posted.